Madonna – Girl Gone Wild

You know when you shoot up some grade-A CRACK? Yeah, me neither. I mean what is this? A 2003 Libertine’s Tour? No thanks.

My only perception of heroin is the crazy folks who lick the window and shit in the door way of the office and Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting. But I am a firm believer in sonic/visual heroin. Some thing you see/hear which sends you into a full on, fizzing, rutilant bliss coma. Here’s something I feel is massively appropriate for International Women’s Day.

I could be garnering more hits on this blog if I was writing a post about One Direction right now. But you know what?

One Direction don’t have a vagina made of molten amazingness, a pop music career spanning a quarter of a century, four kids, two ex-husbands, a Sex Book, a place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a mystical piece of red string, a boyfriend 29 years her junior, 12 studio albums, countless number 1s…I could go on.

When I was watching the above video for the one millionth time I was struck by one thing: the bitch has done a lot. If I showed that clip to an alien I imagine the conversation would look a little like this:

Me: Hey. Watch this.

Alien: Dude I came here to enslave your race not to watch music videos.

Me: Indulge me.

Alien: Ok. *watches* Shit bro, all that crotch thrusting is scaring the fucking star dust out of me, I’m leaving.

Madonna – Saving the World since 1958